Balancing Love & Medicine: An Interview with OBGYN & Intimacy Coach Dr. Sadaf Lodhi (IMG Roadmap Series #106)

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As a resident, fellow, or attending physician, striking a work-life balance can be challenging. It's not always easy to prioritize our personal relationships, but it's essential for our overall well-being. With Valentine's Day around the corner, I wanted to bring in OBGYN and Intimacy Coach Dr. Sadaf Lodhi to help us maintain that special love in our busy lives.

Dr. Sadaf begins by introducing us to the Biopsychosocial (BPS) model of health, which encompasses three key aspects of our health and well-being. The Biological aspect covers things like annual exams, gynecological appointments, and STI tests. It's crucial to decide on contraception, and to ensure that you practice safe sex. If you want to get pregnant, make sure to take prenatal vitamins and stay up to date with your mammogram and pap smears.

The Psychological aspect focuses on our mental health. Are we feeling anxious, depressed, or stressed? Many people experience isolation and lack of community, especially within the IMG community, where homesickness is common. To address these feelings, it's important to be specific and describe what's bothering you. Having a therapist is highly recommended, as it's essential to have someone dedicated to the field. Coaching is also important when you feel stuck or unsure of your path. A therapist helps with your past, while a coach helps you move forward.

Here are some tips to improve your mental health:

Maintain your relationships with yourself and others
Spend at least two hours outdoors each week
Practice mindfulness and self-care
Set aside 30 minutes each day for exercise, five days a week

The Social component of the BPS model encompasses our relationships and friendships. As a doctor, it's important to have a support system of friends, family, and peers, especially during stressful times. For IMGs who may not have their immediate family nearby, it's crucial to create a support system in the US. Meet new friends and find local communities with similar interests. Read books on various topics to expand your mind and escape the challenges of real life.

Dr. Sadaf expresses her excitement about reading the book "Soundtracks," which discusses the idea that our repeated thoughts become our beliefs.

When going through medical training, it's important to take care of yourself as much as you take care of others. This means giving yourself the same time and energy that you usually direct outward.

One question that comes up is how to maintain desire when stressed. Stress triggers the fight or flight response, which increases cortisol levels and decreases our ability to become aroused. To combat this, prioritize your romantic partner in your life and spend quality, meaningful time with them. Avoid distractions and be present when you're with them. The concept of Sensate Focus is also helpful in maintaining desire: in the female sexual response cycle, arousal usually comes before desire. By focusing on sensations and experiences, you can increase desire in your relationship.

Contrary to what media tells us, everything doesn’t need to be spontaneous. Through understanding sexual intelligence, we can acknowledge that relationships look different depending on which phase we are going through in our lives.

The practice of Sensate Focus which is a therapeutic approach that helps improve physical and emotional intimacy in relationships can also help us improve our relationships. It involves focusing on sensations and experiences in the present moment to increase desire and connection.

Moreover, to understand the importance of building a connection in female sexual response, it's important to consider the biopsychosocial model and the idea that arousal often precedes desire. Rosemary Balsam introduced the circular model in 2001, which highlights the idea that women desire intimacy and connection with their partner to increase arousal and desire. To achieve this connection, mindfulness is key. By being mindful and present in the moment without judgment, you can identify what truly arouses you, whether that be intimacy or closeness, and allow that arousal to lead to desire.

According to Emily Nagoski's book "Come as you are," effective communication is a crucial aspect of any relationship, whether it's between partners or friends. If your partner doesn't work in the medical field or in a different field, they may feel resentful of your demanding specialty and the time it takes you away from them and your family. To prevent the relationship from deteriorating, it's important to have open and honest communication about these difficult topics and work through any resentment before it leads to a breakdown in the relationship.

On the flip side, for some individuals, difficult times can actually bring them closer. The absence of interaction can increase the value they place on their limited time together, leading to a stronger bond. It prompts them to be more deliberate with the valuable time spent with their partner. However, effective communication remains a key factor, as the outcome varies for each couple.

In conclusion, maintaining a work-life balance is important for our overall well-being. By following the BPS model, we can improve our biological, psychological, and social health, and find ways to maintain love and desire in our busy lives.

Are there any questions that you would like to ask Dr. Lodhi for assistance? To schedule a meeting or group coaching session with her, you can visit drsadaf.com. You can also connect with her through her Instagram and Tiktok accounts @Drsadafobgyn, or listen to her on The Muslim Sex Podcast.

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